A vent buddy is good for your mental health
Do you have a vent buddy?
A recent podcast by The minimalists stated that there are 60,000 thoughts in day and 80% of those thoughts are negative. It means that there are 48,000 negatives thoughts in a day. 48,000! That’s a big number, isn’t it? What do you do with that many negative thoughts? How do you let them out? And what if you are in a lonely place? I know of
one such place where everything looks beautiful and fulfilling but at the same time has the elements of being lonely. That place is motherhood! Being a mother is a beautiful feeling. Seeing a little part of you grow out of you is indeed fulfilling. However, as much as there are joys of motherhood, it could be an incredibly lonely place. Particularly at
the very beginning of your motherhood journey when you are the primary caregiver, the process of keeping your sanity whilst looking after little humans is unbelievably hard. You have a myriad of emotions figuring out what’s best for your child. Don’t you have doubts, and doubt about those doubts? What do you do with them? Do you bottle
them up or vent them out?
Science says it’s good for your mental health
Sharing your deepest insecurities and feelings is good for your mental health because you release your anxieties and open up your heart. That’s the reason having someone to talk to helps. Someone who can understand you, who knows you through your thick and thin – we call it a vent buddy! According to clinical psychologist and author of “Paradoxical Strategies in Psychotherapy” Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., venting out your frustrations to someone relieves you of stress and tension. You almost always feel better—and “lighter”—after sharing some perceived threat, indignity, misfortune, or injustice. Venting out keeps you sane as long as you choose to confide in the person who is empathetic and doesn’t judge you. Being detached from the emotions that you are going through, a vent buddy can give you a new perspective.
The first month after my first pregnancy was a blur. Don’t judge me but I struggled. I couldn’t understand why a little baby wouldn’t sleep at nights and constantly latched on to me? I would be exhausted and sleep during the day with him. The whole day would whizz past doing his nappy, more breastfeeding, burping, and repeat. In between, If I got lucky I would go for a quick shower. I used to get nervous of twilights because night was eminent! Believe me, for a brief period of time, I couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. My belief that motherhood was supposed to be joyous was dwindling as my emotions and hormones were getting the better of me. Please don’t get me wrong here as I did have fun but had no let out of my emotions.
Emotional well being
A study in 2009 found that sharing your emotional state of mind contributes to your emotional well being. I wish I knew that! However, as they say necessity is the mother of invention, I did find another way of dealing with my emotions and you can try that too. It’s a tried and tested menthod. Make a diary as your vent buddy. It is emphatic and will listen to all your gloomy stories. Mine is a witness to so many such days and now when I look back, I am very proud of myself for creating such a reliable vent buddy. Also as per the study, it indirectly encourages your children to form similar relationships in their lives. This, I think they will acquire.
A Big Thank You
Being a mum of three, I highly recommend a vent buddy to all the new mums to share your highs and lows. Have a social group where you can meet up with like minded people and who are going through the same joys and doubts in life. It is believed that having a close circle of friends makes a new mother feel a lot less stressed and this has positive impact on a child’s cognitive development. While writing this post, I felt that I have had at least one vent buddy throughout my life who has made a huge difference in my life. It is so important to have one such friend whom you can trust and let your guard off. I hope that I have been able to provide that kind of support through my pair of ears and an open heart. If I am not clear, I want to say it again that I am always open to being your vent buddy.
A big thank you, hugs and a huge amount of respect and love to all my vent buddies and you know who you are!
Much love
Suranjita